FML 

I'm a dick.

I should distance myself, like you said, but I'm not giving up.

I honestly don't need it shoved in my face that you're not going to be my significant other for the rest of my life. I honestly don't know how much longer we're going to make it. You just don't seem interested anymore. I have the same plan as you. I want to start settling down too. I feel like I want you to be a part of my for a good decent part of it. 

Seriously, for fuck sake, just because we're both females doesn't mean we can't have the same relationship as a heterosexual couple. I have weird dreams where I go out hunting for a ring. I have dreams where I have children. I can still have that all with you, but sadly, I know I'm not part of your 'plan'.

It sucks. 

I'm so crazy about you. I have been for nearly two years now.

I wish I could be your man. 

Your everything.

I'm sorry I don't have a dick.

I just want February 27th to hurry up. 

I just hate waking up in pain; or feeling sick; or bleeding.

I want it all to stop.

I don't want to have to go out, worrying whether I'm going to bleed, or cramp.

I want my sex life back. I know that sounds gross, but I really do.

I want to feel like a normal person again.

I don't want to be exhausted. I want to have energy.

I want to know what's wrong. 

And I want it to be fixed.

I never ask for much, so please?

I wish I could have the pleasure without the pain...

...or the blood...

I just want the stress to go away :(

You're breaking my heart </3

I wish, sometimes, that I could turn back the clock. Right every wrong doing I've done in my life. But when I actually think about it, then I wouldn't have the people closest to me right now. Caitlin's family is like a second family to me. I guess if I was what my parents wanted me to be, then I would have only just finished school. I would have pushed myself to join the navy. I would have been better at everything. I'm just glad I did whatever the fuck I wanted.

I don't know why some people waste their time on stupid pricks. Stop searching for a while, girl. Let him come to you...Maybe you'll find your happiness then.

The specialist is now sorted. I just really want the day to hurry up. It kinda sucks that I have to wait a month before get anywhere near close enough to finding out what's wrong. I hope it's nothing too serious :( I would be incredibly sad if it was...

I can't promise you the whole world, but I can try to give you a very happy life. I can't promise you I'll never yell, but can try to be patient most of the time. I can't promise you that I'll never make mistakes, but I can try my best to correct my faults. I can't promise you that I'll catch you every time you fall, but I can try to always be close so that I can help you back up. I cab't promise that out love will be forever, but I can promise that no matter what, I'll never forget the memories I made with you.

I just wanted to make a blog dedicated to you, my baby. I love you so much <3

Baby, I love you so much. You have done so much for me over the year. You've kept me reasonably sane, you have taken care of me as a friend and as a lover. You mean the world to me. I don't know what I mean to you, but I don't care. Love has blinded me. And that is ok. As long as I know that all my love is going to you means it's ok.

I posted this song with the blog because it always seems to be Lady Antebellum songs that we have for each other...and this song reminded me of you. Have a listen?

I guess I miss you too much, and by pretending that you are here with me is making me feel better. Hahaha. I feel like a little love sick school girl again.

I hope all of our troubles get fixed soon and that we stop being bitchy and stressed. I hope that my health problems get sorted so I can have a little bit more confidence again. And I hope that we can make my New Years resolution come true. I would love it.

You're my best friend, sweetie, but you're also a hell of a lot more to me than that. I hope you read this.

I love you xoxoxoxox

I hate this. I hate the sexual frustration! I bring up an idea, so I can have it, and now I don't want it. Well I do, but I don't. It's so embarrassing and I hate it. I want it to all go away. For it to all be fixed.

I feel like writing Caitlin an email to her hotmail. She never checks it, so then maybe, one day, when she does check it, she can read the email. I hope that it will make her smile, and if we're not together, then maybe give her back those butterflies that she would have lost. I don't know. I just feel like it.

<3

I have my appointment at Work and Income today. I hope they can help out? I might try searching for a new job through them. Might make me happier and might let me earn more money :)

I just want today to be over. It's such a shit and miserable day, but also because I have a really important appointment tomorrow. Because I have such shit hours and can't afford anything, I'm eligible for the benefit. I don't want to be a dole bludger, but knowing that I'll be working and getting the dole makes me feel a little better.

So, this is my first blog of 2012. An awful lot has already happened even though it's only a week into the new year. I've moved flats; I've started learning new things at work; I've made a mistake in something I text to someone; My relationship with my mum is better; And my great grandmother is in hospital again.

Maybe I should start my blog off with some of my New Years resolutions?

• Keep my flat clean.
• Lose weight.
• Get my restricted.
• Try make another year with Cait.

I don't even know if these are true resolutions, but I know it's what I want.

I don't know what to write now. I'm just not really with it. I've been so stressed lately. About money, and about my health. I guess I've just been feeling really down about it all. I just want to be happy again.