"I feel as though I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one even looks up..."

-Kate Winslet, Titanic

i dont know how to tell anyone. i just wish you'd read my blogs again.

im not okay

today i felt like cutting myself.
i havent felt like that in a long time.
im scared...

I had to go to the doctor today.
I've been dizzy for three days and I was scared.
Mum said it could have been anything from anemia to nothing.
The doctor said that the headache I had on Tuesday was a migraine.
The dizziness is just my body trying to be normal again.
The blood vessels in your brain constrict.
Mine are still partially constricted, limiting the blood flow to my brain.

This is causing me to be dizzy.

If this doesn't clear in a couple of days, I'm going to have to go back to the doctor.

I love you but I don't know how much longer I want to be with you.
3 weeks ago my mother and I spent 9 hours cleaning our flat. I kept it tidy for a week and a half before I gave up because you weren't helping me.
Your birthday is in a few days and you expect me to buy you the most expensive presents, yet for my birthday you could only spend $17.
I ask you to do things to help me and you sit there and just stare at me. Now you're offering to pay me $50 to clean the house.
I don't appreciate being used.
I don't appreciate being treated like shit by the person who supposedly loves me.
I wish I had friends who I could talk to who would understand.

My mother thinks that I'm lazy because the house is a mess.
I've only spent all year trying to form a good relationship with her.

i had the most awful dreams last night.
the first was you cheating on me right infront of my face. *ugh*
the second was you being told by my dad that you could drive his car home in return for favours....

ARGH!!!

you broke my phone....

the last working one i had...