My surgery is in a couple of days. I'm so scared.

I have never had an operation before. I don't know what to expect.

I'm overweight and I'm being operated on my tummy.

What are the risks.

I guess I'm scared because what if I never get to see you again.

What if?

I just wanna go in knowing you're there for me and come back out and see your face and know that I'm back.

I wish I could come home on the Tuesday. I wish I could spend time with you when I feel like I need you the most. 

You have no idea how much I depend on you. I'm not even going to be able to talk to you now. You'll be having your slutty sister staying. No doubt you'll bitch about me the whole night...

Oh well. I can't always have what I want...

Just as mum and you have proved.

I hope I die on the table.

http://www.chelsey.co.nz/love-and-sex/parenting-and-relationships/co-dependent-love-relationships 

I posted this link on my other blog, aiming it at your sister. But when I read into it further, I am like this too.

I've deluded myself into thinking I love you. Maybe I do, but I seem to care about you more than I do myself. I care too much about what you think. I don't do anything for myself because I feel guilty for doing so. 

But at the same time, I do, do some things for myself. But very seldom.

My mind is in pieces right now.

I wanna be Mr. Right.
I don't wanna be Mr. Right Now.

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Why do I waste my time on you?
You promise me something and then you have the decency to turn around and throw it back in my face. Do you know how much that hurts?
Yea, fuck you.